So, i have an eye problem where sometimes I can read until I pass out, and sometimes I can read nothing more than half a page for the day. It is predictable to a point, yet sometimes I just dont know. So, I got reading glasses and that made it worse. I went to an opthamologist, he said it was not an eye problem, just that my face sucks. Apparently I have a tic in my eye nerves, so I'm going to go to some sort of specialist relatively soon.
So, I know that God called me to seminary. I have no doubt about that. Yet I find myself facing yet another insurmountable problem, to the point where I was forced to quit my job because I couldn't see. So now I'm pretty bored, finding it difficult to get a job where I may or may not be able to see.
What I miss most is sitting down and reading scripture for long periods of time. At best I can read a chapter a day, usually its just a few verses. But I hold onto those verses. I'm doing a Bible study on the book of Proverbs, I'm not actually sure how its possible that its working out, but it seems to be.
I'm not at all suicidal because of my problems. But they are so insurmountable, that....yeah, I have been pretty depressed, I feel like much less of a man because I am unable to work and forced to basically sit around and watch tv and surf the internet and hope that somehow my eyes just...get better
So, James 1:2-4 says, "2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. "
so, I take joy in my circumstances, because I was thinking that...suppose I did not have this problem, I would probably do extraordinarly well in seminary, but I think my heart would be a little harder, and that I would not be as closer to Jesus. I think I might have a little less of...pure joy, if you will. So I definitely did not choose this, but perhaps God gave it to me for a reason. So I will consider it pure joy
